Ok. So, yesterday morning I embarked on my 6th Beachbody program…P90X3…I have gone back to my roots and with open arms welcomed Tony Horton back in to my home. From the moment I pressed play it was the to-be-expected Tony banter from Power 90, 10 Minute Trainer, and the original P90X, that always made me smile and giggle to myself. The man truly has a talent for enjoying his workouts; the enjoyment is infectious. It is what I have carried with me through the other programs I have completed. With all that aside, I DID enjoy the workout but I also felt like a newborn giraffe with its feet tied together on a couple moves! Total Synergistics…emphasis on the TOTAL aspect. I will be the first one to tell you that I can be an absolute pain in the ass when it comes to being pushed out of my comfort zone. I don’t like it. I don’t care for it at all. BUT, it is and always will be the only way I grow. That’s a really difficult thing to admit sometimes. It gets in my way more often than not – – that is, I get in my way more often than not – – it’s a process.
Push past your perspective
Let me break down Day One’s process here:
-The last of the 7 kids bolted out the door at 8:45 am -Enjoyed 3 Shakeology protein balls and some E&E at 8:47 am -Went on a where is the DVD set for P90X3 & the pull-up bar at 9:10 am -Mental note made to smack Heath for leaving it on the entertainment center in the exact spot I didn’t look first…next to the remote. -broke my clock while setting up the pull-up bar at 9:12 am -cleaned up and vacuumed broken glass from clock at 9:13 am -Pressed Play at 9:15 am…doing math…I have a 10:30 IEP appt -Pressed Pause, ran downstairs, and grabbed bands…temper tantrum rising -Warm-up went totally fine! -Push-up/Side arm balance….holy Moses, I CAN do these!?! -Crescent Chair…SWEET, this one’s easy -Pull knee Pull….Um, Tony, wha-what?! My first vocal outburst ensues… -Flip-Flop-Crunch…I stared in awe at the TV screen for a moment…I remember being totally freaked out when I first started working out, looking at the way these people make their bodies move and then looking at mine and just feeling defeated before I started…this time though, it was different…I had my fit of frustration, I acknowledged that what I was seeing was going to take some time, and I modified the move…I had grace with myself and moved through the pain instead of stopping cold in its tracks… -Crawley Plyo Push-ups… my hips choose not to stay down, need to work on this a bit more -Releve-Plie…I LOVE this one…can feel my calves gettin gorgeous! Chin-Up Circle Crunch….my SECOND tantrum ensues…I cannot do an actual pull-up yet without the assist, which aggravates the heck out of me but I keep trying and now I am to pull my knees up and over too?! I am feeling this move today, but yesterday I was just mad! Boat Plow…I struggle with these…A LOT…my tailbone has lost a great deal of its cushioning…lol…but seriously though, I had a car accident when I was 17 and my back has never been the same, there are just certain things I physically cannot do exactly the same as the instructors so, today I modify and cry a little and move through it. That’s a long way from where I used to be where I would before just skip it all together….
Day One is done. The take away for me is that it is truly important to embrace the emotional aspects of changing your habits of health. Whether it’s a 10 minute walk in the morning, a 30 minute workout you barely squeeze in…( btw…I was only 5 minutes late to that meeting, arrived in yoga pants, a 21 Day Fix shirt, and my sneakers)… or if it is your hour at the gym…You are working out your MIND too. Your body will trim down, your muscles will lean out and be sculpted…your mind will transform too… You will come up against yourself in those minutes where you are pushing. I cried out in frustration when I began and I cry out in frustration now too…From deep inside you there is a grief that wants expelled. For those that were in my similar shoes, starting out at 276 pounds, and feeling like the entire house will shake from jogging in place or thinking that eminent death was near, right there on the floor if one more push up from modified knees were to take place… THAT is a place shared by us all…that place inside that barks out “YOU CAN’T”…that is where the screams come from….When I came face to face with my place of “I can’t” I was sitting on the floor doing Ab Ripper X three years ago. Fact: IT IS NOT EASY. Fact: IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Fact: CHANGE COMES FROM OVERCOMING THAT WHICH YOU BELIEVED YOU COULD NOT. Truth: The physical pain isn’t what hurts most, the emotional change that is born out of that physical pain will tear you down and allow you to rebuild the most amazing, real, and resilient person. You will find yourself through it all.
I am the sum of this life. I live on purpose today so I have no regrets tomorrow.